Acolyte Productions Presents…
by ColdFusion180
Summary: Magneto tries to recover from his latest set of ordeals but the Acolytes have other plans.


**Note: This story occurs outside my usual story continuity. All characters are "off camera" so to speak.**

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****Acolyte Productions Presents…**

"Ohhh," Magneto moaned as he lay slumped in a large stuffed chair. He had a very haggard look about him. "I've had it. I can't keep going on like this. The last few stories have been almost more than I can bear. If I have to put up with those insane idiots and their stupid antics any longer I am going to snap and kill them all right before I have a nervous breakdown!"

"Hey Mags!" Pyro cheerfully popped into view. "What'cha doing?"

"Contemplating how my life is nothing more than one long, never-ending joke," Magneto groaned. "And don't call me Mags!"

"That's nice," Pyro ignored Magneto's command. "Wanna see something neat and entertaining?"

"What, you are finally going to commit suicide?" Magneto asked hopefully. "Right now I'd find that very entertaining."

"Nope," Pyro shook his head. "Just a little something we've all knocked together that's gonna put the Acolytes on the map!"

"Oh gosh, you're not about to try another hair gel and rotary pump experiment are you?" Magneto gasped.

"No, but thanks for reminding me about that. I've got a great new list of ideas I want to try out," Pyro began to laugh maniacally.

"Oh geeze," Magneto moaned. "Heaven help us all!"

"Yeah, we need all the help we can get," Pyro nodded excitedly.

"You can say that again," Magneto grumbled.

"Any-who, all set to view our latest project?" Pyro asked.

"No, and if you keep bothering me it'll be you **last** project," Magneto growled dangerously. "Right before I send you on a one-way trip to the land six feet under!"

"Come on boss. Please?" Pyro pleaded. "It'll make you feel better."

"Yeah, better about killing you sooner than later," Magneto muttered.

"Please, please, please?" Pyro whined. "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please?"

"Alright, fine," Magneto gave in. "Why not? Might as well just kill off what's left of my sanity and rebuilt it from scratch."

"Yay!" Pyro squealed. "Okay mates, hit it!"

"I swear one of these days I'm just going to take off and…huh?" Magneto blinked as a large stage was suddenly bathed in light. A loony selection of music began to play just as the red curtain went up.

"_We're co-lytes!_" Remy appeared on center stage.

"_We're a-co!_" Pyro popped up next to him.

"_We're all a little whacko!_" The rest of Acolytes joined them. "_And this manifesto we're invading your poor brain!_"

"_We're comic dispensers!_" Piotr and Pyro threw pies at each other.

"_We're better than Xavier's!_" Remy dropped an anvil on Sabertooth's head. "_On Acolyte Adventures be prepared to go insane!_"

"_So here's the Acolyte Base, our home away from home!_" A miniature model of the base appeared onstage only to be blown up. "_Inside we fight, set things alight and play with shaving foam!_"

"_We're madness perfected!_" Pyro laughed maniacally.

"_Expect the unexpected!_" An aarmory of aardvarks stormed by chasing after Remy and Sabertooth. "_On Acolyte Adventures! It's about to start!_"

"_He's charming! His cards glow!_" Remy appeared tossing exploding cards everywhere. "_He's Remy 'Gambit' Lebeau!_"

"_The infamous Magneto!_" A lynched, melted statue of Magneto was shown riddled with pocket marks and with a knife through its back. "_A tyrant and a putz!"_

"_Colossus is gentle!_" Piotr was shown armoring up. "_Can transform into metal!_"

"_Sabertooth's a feral!_" Sabertooth decapitated an exaggerated mannequin of Logan.

"_And Pyro is plain nuts!_" Pyro was shown with his pack burning everything in sight.

"_Come read our stories since the show's no longer on TV!_" Dozens of banners, signs and campaign buttons appeared showing full support for the Acolytes. "_We still have pep since our last ep. in two thousand and three!_"

"_We're co-lytes! We're a-co! We're all a little whacko!_" The Acolytes continued to run around causing chaos and destruction onstage.

"_It's Acolyte Adventures! Come and join the fun!_" The Acolytes struck a final pose as fireworks went off all around them. "_And now our song is done!_"

As the performance ended Magneto was left staring at the stage in shock. "What…the heck…was **that**?"

"Our new introduction and theme song!" Pyro beamed proudly. "Isn't it great?"

"Our whaaaaaa?" Magneto's jaw hung open in disbelief.

"Yeah, ya know how lots of cartoons and TV shows have catchy opening sequences?" Pyro asked. "Well now so do we!"

"Huh?" Magneto was still trying to overcome his shock.

"Yep, from now on that number is gonna be at the beginning of every single one of our stories about the Acolytes!" Pyro cackled with glee.

"No! No! No!" Magneto shouted. "You idiots are not going to put on that musical monstrosity every time we do a story!"

"Yes we are!" Pyro chirped. "All that's left is to get final approval from the top and then…"

"NO! THAT WILL **NEVER** HAPPEN! I WON'T ALLOW IT!" Magneto screamed.

"Come on Mags. You gotta admit it is kinda catchy," Remy said.

"And it could help increase our popularity," Piotr pointed out.

"No it would not! It would do the exact opposite! Which except for the total embarrassment factor would be just fine with me!" Magneto yelled. "Forget it! We are not keeping that mess as a theme song and that's final!"

"Awww," Pyro pouted.

"Well, it was worth a shot," Remy shrugged.

"Too bad," Piotr sighed.

"I can not believe it!" Magneto continued to rant. "I can't believe you stupid, crazy, insane idiots went and made a theme song and opening sequence for us without my consent!"

"Well don't," Remy grinned mischievously. "Because we didn't make **a** theme song and opening sequence…"

"Huh? What do you…oh no," Magneto gulped and turned pale. "You wouldn't…you couldn't…you **didn't**!"

"We did," Remy confirmed. "Hit it!"

"NO! NO! NO!" Magneto howled as the red curtain went up again. "NOT ANOTHER ONE!"

"_It's time for the great Acolytes!_" The Acolytes appeared singing on stage once more. "_And we're zany to new heights!_"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Magneto yelled as he was sprayed with silly string.

"_We're where craziness unites! We do what the author writes!_" Remy and Pyro lit a dozen firecrackers before throwing them into Magneto's lap. "_We're the great Acolytes!_"

"OW! OW! OW! YEEEOOOWWW! THAT HURTS!" Magneto hopped around like mad as the firecrackers went off.

"_Come see our humble abode where madness and chaos reign!_" A large out-of-control vacuum cleaner was shown destroying everything in sight.

"_Of logic and good sense we voluntarily abstain!_" Remy and Pyro raced by while riding on a pair of jackhammers.

"_We have random discussions!_" Piotr and Sabertooth were shown arguing about comic strips.

"_And play with pure propane!_" Pyro did so while cackling maniacally.

"_That's our M.O. and now you know we're really quite insane!_" Remy danced by while wearing a plush dinosaur costume.

"NO KIDDING!" Magneto shouted.

"_We're the great Acolytes!_" Sabertooth appeared holding a vandalized portrait of Magneto which had a noticeable chunk missing. "_Mags is a jerk, Sabertooth bites!_"

"WHAT?" Magneto roared.

"_Colossus paints, Pyro lights!_" Pyro set Piotr's canvas and easel on fire.

"_Gambit steals the Bill of Rights!_" Remy sneakily did so. "_We're the great Acolytes!_"

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!" Magneto wailed.

"_We exercise our powers to keep fit and in our prime!_" Piotr destroyed a pair of armored tanks.

"_Bring woes to all our foes by staging attacks of thieving crime!_" A mock up of the X-Mansion appeared as Remy proceeded to rob it blind.

"_We_ _annoy our rivals!_" Sabertooth dumped a box of itching powder into one of Logan's uniforms.

"_And make fires sublime!_" Pyro created a raging inferno while laughing insanely.

"_The author's flipped! The song's been ripped! Let's sing it one more time!_" Remy, Piotr and Pyro cheered.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Magneto screamed.

"_We're the great Acolytes!_" Several overgrown chess pieces were set on fire before being blown up. "_We don't have bishops or knights!_"

"_We're zany to new heights!" _Remy, Piotr and Pyro appeared while munching on some large, distinctive cookies. "_Often snack on black and whites!_"

"_We're the great a-co! Totally gone whacko!_" Fireworks exploded everywhere.

"_Gone and back-o!_" Pyro giggled.

"_The great Acolytes!_" The Acolytes finished with a flourish. "_No copyrights!_"

Several seconds passed before Magneto realized the singing had finally stopped. "Is it over?" He hesitantly uncovered his ears.

"Yep!" Pyro chirped. "So did ya like it?"

"No I did not like it!" Magneto shouted. "I **hated** it! I despised it! I think it was the most deranged piece of garbage you fools have ever come up with!"

"So you liked the first one better, huh?" Pyro asked.

"I DIDN'T LIKE EITHER OF THEM!" Magneto roared. "I DIDN'T LIKE THE FIRST ONE AND I DIDN'T LIKE THE SECOND! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN BOTHER TO MAKE A SECOND OPENING SEQUENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

"In case the first one doesn't get final approval," Remy said. "And we just couldn't resist making it."

"They do seem to go well together," Piotr added. "Making them was a lot of fun."

"Yeah!" Pyro whooped. "Besides, we didn't just make two of 'em. We made a lot more!"

"**More**?" Magneto's eye began to twitch. "How **many** more?"

"Oh, about forty seven," Pyro waved.

"FORTY SEVEN? NOOOOOOOOO!" Magneto wailed.

"_They're Magneto's Acolytes! Magneto's Acolytes!_" The Acolytes began to chant. _"Better starting praying! When you're in their sights!_"

"AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed and ran off. "LET ME OUTTA HERE!"

"Hey! Get back here boss!" Sabertooth yelled and began chasing after Magneto. "If I have to perform these stupid numbers you can at least watch 'em and suffer along with me!"

"NIEEE! NIEEE!"

CRASH!

"Help! The aardvarks broke loose again!" Piotr shouted.

"Oh no!" Remy blanched and ran off just as several dozen aardvarks appeared and chased after him while utterly demolishing the stage. "AAAHHHHHH! KEEP AWAY FROM ME YOU SMELLY, WET NOSED MENACES!"

"Hey! Come back here you little shelias!" Pyro yelled and began running after them as well. "You better not have been snacking on candy coated honey ants again!"

SMASH!

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Magneto was heard screaming in the distance.

"DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA GET OUTTA THIS THAT EASY!" Sabertooth roared.

CRASH!

"AAARRRGGGHHH! SOMEBODY GET THESE AARDVARKS OFF ME!" Remy shrieked. "HEY, STOP IT! STOP IT! NOOOOOOOOO!"

"ELLIE! GIVE GAMBIT BACK HIS PANTS!" Pyro shouted.

"And so ends another memorable interlude with the Acolytes," Piotr groaned as the madness reigned about him. "Goodnight everybody!"

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Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the theme songs to "Tiny Toon Adventures", "Animaniacs" or "Pinky and the Brain".**


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